I Don't Know What I Want

It takes a lot for me to stress out about a boy. And I do mean a lot. But I’m there. It may be because I haven’t had my depo shot and I’m all weirdly pms-y and stuff, but I sure am not a happy camper right now. It has to do with Spring Break Boy and me being an anti-commitment, anti-attached kind of person. I guess I need to start at the beginning.

I met Spring Break boy on spring break (go figure), when me and my friends Izzie, Callie and Lexie, went to Florida. I ran into SB boy’s friend/teammate in a store while I was waiting for my friends. He was wearing a college tshirt that hinted that he was from close to our school. And he was. Like 2 and a half hours north. SB boy came down the stairs a few minutes later with a few of his other friends. There were 5 total. I totally was all about SB boy from the moment I saw him. I mean, he’s just gorgeous and totally my type, 6’3” of muscle, and big brown eyes. Just gorgeous. Once Lexie, Izzie, and Callie got to the store we stood around chatting with them, and SB boy actually exchanged numbers with Izzie. Which I was completely jealous of, and Callie exchanged with one of SB boys friends.

So whatever happened, and we ended up meeting up with them the next night, and going to their condo they were renting for the week. We just drank and played drinking games and all that. Me and SB boy were very flirty, and it became obvious he was interested in me, and one of his friends was interested in Izzie. As we were playing, the “never have I ever” portion of the game came up, and in that I learned that he had had a threesome. Which was something I was totally not expecting. To me, that’s not attractive. But regardless, we got drunk and made out in the hot tub. And in the shower. But we never did anything but make out. And this happened pretty much every night of the week. And one night we went to a bar, and we were brats and made each other jealous all night, typical immature BS. But once we got over it we were back to the fun normal stuff. Well spring break ended, and that was that. We still talked a good bit though. Flirty, all the time, etc.

Well after finals, he came down to visit. So that night we went out to the bars, and neither of us drank much, but we had a good time. He got jealous/protective when someone else hit on me, and all that. We pretty much acted like a couple. Which is really, really weird for me. He got to meet Arizona, and a few of my coworkers, and they all LOVED him. He ended up spending the night, and we pretty much did everything BUT have sex. I’m just not the type of person who can do the one night stand type deal. And that’s what it felt like. But I really, really, really wanted to. If you know what I mean.

I left for home the next day, and we talked on and off all summer, always flirty and stuff. And he would tweet random things at me that let me know he was tweeting at me, like during the Olympics. Well, he had a game in town this past Friday night, and I went to it, because he asked me too. And dear God, that boy in football pants? Holy bajeesus. But after the game, I went out on the field. His family was there, so I went and talked to another mutual friend for a while, before he came over. We hugged and the pictures are freaking adorable. The kid makes me smile like a mad woman. But then he had to leave to go back to school, and we texted all night.

He talked about me coming up, and then coming down to visit me once football is over and all that. But eventually he was saying it while drunk, and I didn’t know if it was just drunk words, or if its more of the drunk mind=sober thoughts thing. Who knows. But I do know I got way too drunk, ended up seeing the guy I met at the bookstore last week, and hanging out with him all night. He didn’t leave my apartment til like 5 am. But SB boy was texting me while he was here, and one text I got was “I love me some insert my full name here” at like 4 am. Like, I know he was wasted. But like, ugh, no.

So pretty much I don’t know how to take it all. I don’t want a relationship with him, I don’t like the commitment and stuff. But I also don’t want to be sleeping with him, and him be sleeping with other people. Make sense? So pretty much I want the best of both worlds, without sacrificing my views. What do y’all think I should do? So conflicted. I don’t even know what I really want. Or what I should do. Should I just ignore him until he comes down here? Or should I go visit? Help!