I Guess It's Inevitable

I guess it’s inevitable that I’m going to see The Cheater again. As I am sitting here on my flight back to school, it’s dawning on me that I’m going to see him again. And that is where you input a 5 year old voice squealing “But I don’t wanna!” I haven’t spoken to him since the beginning of summer break, when he sent me a text with a picture of a Spanish cathedral to which I replied “Why are you texting me? Don’t text me. This is my * The Cheater * free zone.” And I haven’t heard from him since then. It has been a long road trying to get over him. It’s like he is everywhere when I’m on campus. I found out around the 4^th of July last year that he had been having a relationship with another girl since mid march. He had been having sex with another girl (who ended up being a treacherous whore who knew he had a girlfriend the whole time) for almost 5 months. He started having sex with her BEFORE he convinced me to sleep with him… to lose my virginity to him! I had gone through so much with him. He really was the first man that I trusted completely. And I did love him. But I think it was a forced love. I think that I was homesick when I met him, being a freshman half way across the country from my family and friends, so when we started dating he became my comfort blanket. Not exactly a good foundation for a healthy relationship. Now after I found out he had been cheating on me, I looked back and saw all the red flags. Realized that I had been being stupid. It was a tough lesson. It hurt like all hell. But I learned from it.

I really thought I was over it two months later when I moved back to school. But I was living in the dorm building next to his apartments. And I was working at the biggest bar on campus. And he was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And I would get drunk, and see him, and lose my head. I’m so embarrassed now as I look back at the way I acted the first month or so when I got back. I dated guys, led guys on, who I never had real interest in. Even months later when I really was interested in a guy, who was by all means an amazing man, I couldn’t do a relationship. And that’s when I realized I’m just not made for relationships. I don’t trust any men. Now, I trust my best friend of 10 years, but that’s in a completely different context than in a relationship manner. I just don’t think trusting a guy is worth it. I have yet to meet a guy who turns me on. And by turns me on, I don’t just mean physically, because while that’s very, very, very important – I really do value being attracted to a man’s intellect and heart. It’s one thing to spend a night making out with a guy like 15 year olds, and another to be in a relationship. That’s not what a relationship can be built on.

This summer I haven’t thought about The Cheater much at all. I know he’s dating some girl. I know he cheated on her, and she took him back. I also know who the girl is, and have heard she’s a jersey girl, who is only interested in him because of  his “D1 athlete” standing. And as much as I wanna be like “well sucks to be used, dude” I can’t be. Because I really loved him. And as stupid as it is, I don’t want him to be hurt. Even though he completely annihilated me. Talk about self destructive. But I have vowed to myself that I will not, under any circumstances seek him out to talk, hang out, or whatever. And if I do happen to see him out and it cant be avoided  (we do have sooo many mutual friends), I will be coolly polite, and take the high road. But just thinking about seeing him, seeing him at all, gives me this huge pit in my stomach. It’s been over a year since this all went down, why do I feel so sick when I think of him? I have all of these gorgeous, smart, amazing guys vying for my attention, and yet I still feel sick when I think about The Cheater. It sucks! And the worst part is, it’s been a year and two months, and I don’t know when it will stop. I hate feeling weak like this. I hate that I gave him that kind of control over me. How stupid can I get? Never again will I give a man that kind of power over me. Never again will I date a guy who makes me an option, and only is there when he needs something from me. It was so obvious what he was doing, and yet I didn’t see it until the very end. And the thing that hurts the most? I waited so long. I wanted to make sure I lost my virginity to a guy who loved me and I loved and blah blah blah. I wanted to make sure I felt safe.  Because I was molested as a 6 year old. It gave me this residual fear of being intimate with men. And its something I am so ashamed of, even to this day. But I trusted him. I let him in, let him see how scared I was, and he used me. And treated me like I was expendable.   It just blows my mind that someone could be that cruel – especially someone who claimed to love me as much as he said he did.

As you can tell I still have so many untapped feelings about this. But really? I did love him. And even if he didn’t love me, I loved him. And so I guess losing my virginity to him wasn’t 100% bad. Because I did nothing wrong. I did what I thought was right. How could I know at that time that he was a pathological liar? I mean, maybe I should have seen it with all the red flags. But… UGH! It’s just such a stupid thing. I will never, ever cheat. Because I just couldn’t put anyone through what I went through. And still go through. But when I think about seeing him again… part of me wants to kick him in the balls… part of me wants to flip my hair, look outrageously gorgeous, and be flirting with an equally gorgeous guy… and part of me wants to run away and never come back. Talk about mixed emotions. But I guess it’s inevitable. And even if there is no equally gorgeous guy, I’m going to make sure that bastard sees me having a great time and loving life! Because that’s the best thing to do, right?

Back To School!

Back to school, back to school, to prove to mom I’m not a fool! Ahhh! I can’t wait. I ended up getting A’s in both my summer classes, which boosted my GPA a little. Still have some work to do after messing up my freshman year, but I’m well on my way! Well, where do I start about how I feel about moving back to my University? Well first off, I’m moving into an AMAZING apartment. I’m super stoked. It’s literally right across the street from campus, and I have my own bedroom and bathroom! My roommate, we’ll call her Miranda, seems to be really nice. We aren’t super close, but she was on my team freshman year, and she rides horses. She’s also pre-vet, so she gets the whole study constantly thing. Hopefully we end up getting along really well. She seems like the type of girl I could get along with, anyways.

I think one of the best parts of going back is being reunited with my girls. I have a solid group of girls who I met freshman year in the dorms. We shall call them Izzie, Callie, and Lexie. They’re the girls who went with me on Spring Break this past year, which is coincidently where I met Spring Break Boy (go figure). But about these girls. Izzie is by far my closest of them. We became really good friends around winter finals of freshman year. She’s also premed, though she wants to be an anesthesiologist. She is sooo smart, but she’s such an airhead - definitely the type of girl to make you laugh your ass off all the time. She also gives great advice and is someone I can actually talk to. Lexie I have been friends with pretty much since day one. I love her to death. She’s the only one in our little group who is not a science nerd. She’s all communication/journalism and shit. Sometimes I think she feels a little left out, but what can ya do? Everyone has their interests. The biggest thing about her that bugs me is her is that sometimes she goes giggly 13 year old girl on us. And I’m just not that type. Izzie will join in sometimes too, which just really goads me. I don’t like pretending I’m an ignorant, immature preteen. It’s just not my thing. But 99% of the time Lexie isn’t like that. She’s great, and another person I can talk to. Callie is amazing. She’s super smart too, and athletic, and we get along all the time. She’s pre-pharmacy, so she studies her ass off too. I’ve known her since freshman year as well, but we didn’t really start hanging out until this past year.

The last really close girlfriend I have is a teammate of mine who I have mentioned before, we’ll call her Arizona. She doesn’t really hang out with Izzie, Callie, Lexie and I, but I definitely spend a lot of time with her. She’s a teammate of mine, so we definitely are together a lot. Plus she’s over 21, so she can go to the bars with me, which the other girls cant!

Now as for fall semester, I’m super nervous. My class schedule is all dorked up. I have conflicting classes, because I’m trying to get into the Genetics class with the best professor, and the physics class with the better one, and still take my pharmacology class. It’s absolutely impossible. I’m thinking I’m going to have to drop my pharmacology class, and then get a permission number for the better physics professor, and then the better Genetics professor just told me to show up on the first day of class and he would try and get me in. I am SO excited about that class. I absolutely love genetics – and he teaches it in a discussion based way instead of  in a lecture mode.  Way better in my ADHD mind.

Lastly, I finally have to meet with the modeling agency that has been hounding me all summer. I had sent in pictures to them on a whim back in May, and they almost immediately emailed/called me to try and get me to come in to talk about representation. But I had to come home for the summer. So now comes the time that I have to go talk to them. And I’m nervous. I by no means think I’m pretty enough to model, but apparently they think I am. Guess we’ll find out soon. Oh and I have more to tell y’all about all the men in my life. I guess that’s for another entry though!

Doctor Boy

I suck. I know. I was contemplating redoing this blog and making it public. But then I realized I would hate that, and wouldn’t be able to be so honest with y’all. So I’m staying anonymous. And I’ll catch you up on the past month as we go. But right now most of y’all, according to twitter, want to know the story behind Doctor Boy. So here goes!

I met Doctor Boy the summer after my junior year in high school. I was convinced I was going to Duke University, and he was still picking which baseball scholarship he was going to take. I was attracted to him instantly because he had this very emotionless façade, and these stunning eyes – like pierce through your soul kind of eyes. Absolutely beautiful. We were at this leadership convention in Arkansas, and it was tiny and Christian based, and honestly, I had expected it to be an absolutely miserable experience. But it wasn’t, I had the time of my life, and met some of the most amazing people I had ever met before. At this point in my life, I was still on and off with HS Sweetheart, and so I really didn’t think of Doctor Boy as anything more than just a good looking friend. He had been dating his girlfriend for quite a few years, and we just got along as friends well enough to keep in touch. We had some great talks during the week we were at the forum. I learned that he also wanted to be a doctor, and that he shared a lot of the same values I did. I also learned that he was incredibly intelligent – and for a girl who had yet to meet a guy who was on her level of smarts, it was a very nice first for me! We kept in touch for a few months. Found out where we each chose to go for college. All that. But it eventually just turned into me seeing him on my facebook timeline from time to time, and not really thinking about it.

Then at the beginning of this summer, he followed me on twitter, and we just began to chat idly, he commented on a picture of us and another friend from my facebook about getting together for a reunion. We eventually swapped phone numbers and began to talk a lot. I learned that him and his (now ex) girlfriend of 5 years had broken up around april or may, though he didn’t go into much detail, and that he still planned on becoming a doctor. We were very flirty, and it was great. And finally I just invited him down to visit me, since he went to school about 4 hours away from my hometown.

Well last weekend he made the drive down Friday after he got out of classes. It was kind of awkward at first. But it got less awkward when he gave me a hug and looked down at me and went “Man you really haven’t grown at all since the trip!” in that adorable, deep southern accent that you can only get out of a true southern farm boy. We fell into an easy rhythm pretty quick. Unlike me, he had grown a good 3 or 4 inches since the trip, and now stood easily over 6 foot, a definite positive in my mind – height is one of my non negotiables, or “hard limits” for all of you 50 shades fans.

I helped my mom make salmon and mango salsa, and to be honest, I really am quite inept when it comes to cooking, except for a few other things, so of course both Doctor Boy and my mom gave me a hard time about that. My mom’s best friend was also over, she was spending the night that night to help mom pack and what not. We all started drinking after dinner, white wine for me, an IPA for Doctor boy, and coconut rum/pineapple for my ma and her friend. House was kind of our show of choice as we relaxed that night. It was kinda awkward at first, cuz we had only ever been friends, but we knew we were attracted to each other – and its always one thing if you start things out as more than friends, but when you move from friends to more there is always that little awkward stage. So we sat there drinking, him on one couch, me on the other, waiting til midnight so we could go get the hunger games. Eventually he came over and sat on my couch so my Mom and her friend could sit on the couch he was sitting on. He grabbed my hand, and it was super cute, but with mom being there, and all that, it was just kind of awkward. It’s times like this where I really can’t wait to be living in my own apartment again!

My 16 year old bro, M, drove us to Walmart to go get the movie at midnight, and I have to say, I definitely geeked out a little bit. I absolutely love the Hunger Games series. And Doctor Boy hadn’t even seen the movie yet! So we walked through walmart all couple like and cutesy, bought our movies and headed home. My mom and her friend only made it like 20 minutes into the movie before they fell asleep, so me and Doctor Boy finally got to cuddle up on the couch. And I think that’s when it hit me how freaking adorable this kid is. Not only is he good looking, and super intelligent, he just is a sweetheart. He gives off this unemotional, stoic façade, but once he lets you past that he’s super open and adorable. Which I can’t say as much for myself. I found myself wanting to open up to him multiple times that night, and the next night, and just wasn’t able to do it. So we cuddled, and he kissed my cheek, and we watched the hunger games. And eventually I turned around to say something, and he kissed me. So obviously we were up until 4 am making out on the couch like teenagers. It was a blast.

The next day we went to the beach, got burned like idiots, went to lunch, and then came home and showered and went to play putt putt… in the thunder and lightning of course. But it was a blast. I learned I absolutely suck at putting, but I can hit the ball pretty dang far! And then we went home and had a night similar to the night before. It was a lot of fun, and relaxing. And I hated that he had to go the next day. But he did. He left around noon. It was sad. But such is life. I know I wont see him again for God only knows how long. But it’s alright. I knew that going into the weekend. I think he maybe thought more of it than I did? But that’s not a new thing. He had made sly cracks about long term that I don’t think he knew I got, cuz I kind of ignored them. But in reality, if there was a type that I’d go for long term, he would be it. I mean, how can you go wrong with an absolutely gorgeous, super smart, future doctor? Oh, and he has a southern accent. Love it!

Names Names Names

So I entitled this blog entry “Names”. Why? Because well, lets be real, peoples names are important. When I hear a guys names, there are certain names I hear that I immediately go “well they have to be sexy with that name” or “ew, they’re going to be an asshole.” Now do I really judge a person based on a name? No! But I mean, it does give me some kind of feel. Like the name Chris? I hate it. I feel like they’re going to be a complete asshole. The name Cameron? Sexy FOR sure. So I posed a question on my twitter (@_SingleGirlSwag) to find out who you guys thought were the sexiest names. And I entered two myself (but I will obviously be keeping those secret). Some I thought were good entries, some I thought were weird. So here is my comments on the names entered so far (and the votes as of 1:56 pm central time).

1.     Josh (5): I mean. I like this name. It’s alright. It doesn’t spur any “oh he’s going to be sexy” in my mind. I actually assume this guy is going to be young. But it isn’t a name I would avoid. I know one very sexy josh.

2.     Isaac (2): This is definitely one of my favorites on the list. I love this name. Maybe because of Isaac Newton (yes we all know I’m a nerd). It just screams smart and sexy. I would definitely be fine dating an Isaac. I can just picture a hulking hottie with glasses on laying in my bed…. Wooooh. I’m surprised it only has 2 votes!

3.     Landon (14): Alright, who DOESN’T think this is a sexy ass name? I mean, I automatically think of Landon Carter from A Walk To Remember, and everyone knows he was sexy and sweet and smart and… okay I have to stop, I’m starting to sweat….

4.     Dominic (1): Meh, this one doesn’t do anything for me. At all.

5.     Sebastian (3): Maybe I’m immature, but it reminds me of the crab from The Little Mermaid. No thanks.

6.     Rollins (3): Kinda reminds me of a last name, more than a first name. I mean, I could deal with it. I would expect him to be rich and classy, obviously

7.     Carter (5): I like this one. I knew a Carter when I was young who was really cute. I mean, It’s kinda a neutral name for me.

8.     Maison (4): I’ve never seen Maison spelled this way, I’ve only ever seen it spelled Mason, which I LOVE. Totally a sexy name in my mind. I knew a Mason as a kid who looked like Ashton Kutcher… They also said we looked like brother and sister.. does that mean I look like ashton kutcher?! AHHHH!

9.      Ty/Tyler (11): Another top one. I like it. I like Tyler more than Ty. I knew a Tyrus in high school who went by Ty, and he was white. And it just didn’t add up in my mind. But I definitely like Tyler. Super cute.

10. Johnny (2): Definitely not for me. I know the person who entered it was thinking Johnny Depp, but still. No thanks!

11. James (7): I do love James. Who doesn’t? I also think of James Potter… whoops.

12. Ryan (9): I always liked Ryan, until I met one who didn’t impress me. I know I shouldn’t judge all names by one person, but ugh. He kinda ruined it for me.

13. Jake (10): I like the name Jake, but I have a brother like figure named Jake, so I don’t think I could date a Jake.

14. Topher (1): Reminds me of the name Chris, so that’s a no.

15. Aiden (4): Other than the awful use of this name in the Ring, I love it. I have always loved it.

16. Austin (5): Great name. I love this one. Always have.

17. Wes (3): This name just screams sex to me. But only shortened. Wesley doesn’t do anything for me. But wes? I picture a tall, muscley, football player…. Yum.

18. Sean (1): I can’t believe this one has only one vote, especially after this last season of the Bachelorette, and the sexiness that was Sean.

19. Tanner (7): I have mixed feelings on this one. I feel like it should be a bulky, sexy guy, but the only Tanner I’ve ever known was skinny, and not cute at all. Go figure.

20. Cole (3): I like this one. Have never met one. But it does kind of remind me of the guy on mighty ducks who was on the bad team? But he was hot…

21. Drew (2): No thanks. Not my thing. Could be, maybe. But he’d have to be perfect.

22. Nate (5): Another one I am surprised only has 5 votes. I love love love the name Nathan/Nate. So hot. Just screams it.

23. Dante (1): Nope. This is a wtf name for me. Just no.

24. Damien (3): You better be a tall glass of hot chocolate to be named Damien. It has the potential for maaaajor sex appeal. But you better be about 6’4”, perfect milk chocolate skin, muscles everywhere, and have a Harvard law degree to make it work.

25. Aaron (3): I feel like this name went out back in the 90’s?

26. Alex (4): I like this name more for a girl than a guy…

27. Channing (7): Channing Tatum, Magic Mike….’nuff said!

28. Kyle (2): I like Kyle. I think Kyle deserves more than 2 votes!

So those are the names that have been entered so far. But I have to say. We are missing some really good ones! Like Michael, Matthew, Cameron, Eric, Derrick, Adrian, Gavin, Justin, Kayden, Nick, Spencer… Come on people! What do y’all think, are the sexiest 10 names in this list we have up there? I think we’re definitely missing some really good ones! If you want to submit or vote, comment here, email me, or go on twitter (@_SingleGirlSwag) and tweet at me! I will be publishing a top 10, top 5, and number one list over the next week or two! I obviously shouldn’t be doing this, I should be doing my research project…whoops! 

Part 2/2 - Love Life Update

Alright, the one that most of you have been waiting for. I know it will probably disappoint, sorry if it does!

Okay, so Marine Man was the issue I left off with last, correct? Well. I wasn’t able to hang out with him Tuesday or Wednesday because of work and studying. But, Thursday rolled around, and he called me right before work, and he had been chained, or whatever, so he had to leave for his new base that night. I was pretty sad. Not going to lie. He repeatedly asked me if I could just go with him. But obviously that just wasn’t happening. We texted a bit that night. He was cute, blah blah blah, and I tried to call him when I got off with no answer. It was a little strange. But get this I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE THEN!!! Like what in the actual fuck? I even texted him a few days later just to be polite and make sure he got there okay. And no answer. Like, um, rude! Now I’m totally fine with it, cuz where would it have gone, anyways?

I met my cousins live in boyfriend for the first time that Sunday (the 15^th), he was cute, but definitely not the Greek God she had been describing him as. But I did overhear them talking about how they had “let themselves go” since they had been dating (about 2 years now), and it grossed me out. Like, you’re 25 years old! And you’re letting yourself go? I’m sorry, but no. I just think that’s stupid. Absolutely stupid. Granted I look the way I look naturally, and because I am a busy bee, but still, I do it for me, and I will NEVER “let myself go” because of some guy, and I hope to God a guy I’m with wouldn’t do it because of me.

In the OR for the first time I met a scrub tech, and he was super nice, maybe even cute, but he was obviously wearing a mask the whole time. I don’t think he’s summer fling material, but he’s super nice, and definitely friend material!

All week I was kind of busy. I have started bonding with another server at work, whose in nursing school, because we have the same kind of schedule and demands. I am not one of those future doctors who looks down on nurses. I respect them. They do stuff that I definitely wouldn’t ever want to do. And as a doctor in army wives said “Good doctors learn to recognize good nurses and use them as a resource.” But he’s definitely really cute, and we chat a lot when we work together.

Sunday was my friends going away party for medical school. I drank too much, his dad said something about my dad, and made me super super upset, go figure. There was also a guy there who was flirting with me the whole time. He was really cute, just too short for my likings. But when I woke up the next morning before the OR I had a message on my facebook that said “You’re the first girl who legitimately looks better in person than in your facebook pictures.” I was like, awwww.

But I also felt like shit, made myself throw up, took some Excedrin migraine, five hour energy, and coffee, all before being in the OR at 730. Rough morning… oh! And I somehow chipped my tooth (really tinily) on the five hour energy bottle. Go fucking figure. But that’s what I get for drinking too much, and letting an ignorant man upset me.

Tuesday night, like I said, I worked, made some money, chatted with Nurse Boy, and then got super sick. So all I did yesterday was lay in bed. Same today, except now I’m trying to study, since I have a pharmacotherapy test tomorrow.

But on the side, I did reconnect with a guy I was friends with back in high school, we’ll all him Mr. Blue Eyes. We met at a leadership seminar in Arkansas, and he’s from Alabama. I always thought he was cute, he has the most amazing blue eyes- hence the name - but he had a long term girlfriend (who he just broke up with). He’s also pre med, and is outrageously smart. We talk a lot now, via text, since we have so much in common. I don’t know if he is coming down to visit or not. But I definitely wouldn’t be against it!

Finally, I still talk to Canadian Boy all the time. We flirt. All the time. And he’s perfect. And we should have babies. And that is all.

Sorry my love life is kind of boring. Is there anything y’all need me to clear up? or anybody I need to talk more about?!  I haven’t been focusing too much on boys lately with everything else going on! Comment about anything! Y’all know the drill!

Part 1/2, The Medical Update

So I suck. I know you must all hate me. I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve just been so busy and therefore exhausted, that I haven’t had the time or the energy to blog. I really do apologize. I’m going to separate this into two updates. One for a social life update. One for a work/medical update. This is the latter.

That Monday (the 16^th) was my first day in the operating room observing Dr. H. It was the MOST AMAZING THING EVER. I was born to be a surgeon. I just can’t even explain it. It’s so amazing. I was so blessed. I got to see 8 surgeries. The first was a Left femoral exposure with superficial femoral artery atherectomy/PTA/Stent, but I wasn’t very confident, so I rally didn’t get to see much. The second was a minor procedure that they had to do in the hospital because of insurance, but it was just a L greater saphenous vein ablasion. The third one was the one that really got me. It was just a left femoral popliteal bypass revision. But Dr. H called me over and let me really look at the femoral artery. And I could see it beating, and it is so much bigger than you would expect. And I think that’s the moment I fell in love. I just can’t even explain it. Then we saw a Right Carotid endarterectomy, which was crazy. Dr. H cut open a guys carotid artery, and cleaned it out, and patched it up. Like AMAZING. You think of a carotid artery getting cut open and you think death, but there was any blood, AT ALL. The next case was an emergency case on an old lady with blood clots in her leg ( L femoral thrombectomy), again really cool. Then was the longest and coolest of the day. An Abdominal Aortal bifemoral bypass. Literally pulled this ladies guts out, cut out a piece of her aorta, and attached it to a tube, and then attached the tube to both of her femoral arteries. So cool. We then saw two femoral endarterectomies, one of them with an iliac stent. Just amazing. Last Dr. H had to clean up some dude’s nasty toe. It was gross. Infected and stuff. We didn’t leave the operating room until like 830, and we had been there since 7:30 that morning. I don’t think I’ve ever stood still for so long in my life. It was so fascinating. Dr. H told me I could go home around 6 pm (after the bypass), but I didn’t want to leave until he did, I felt like that wasn’t cool. So I waited, and went to go visit all the patients after his last surgery with him. It was amazing. I seriously seriously loved it all.

I didn’t go back to the hospital until Wednesday, which is when I learned about our research I was going to be doing. Data collection. Super boring, and a LOT TO DO, but I will get my name in two papers, so I definitely cant complain. And that’s what I did wed-fri. All day. Everyday.

That Monday (the 23^rd) I got to meet one of Dr. H’s new partners, Dr. M. Dr.M is straight out of her fellowship and is a FEMALE surgeon. Dr. H said he hired her just so I would have someone to look up to J I love talking to female surgeons! And she’s only like 32 so she’s a lot easier to relate to then the 50 some odd year old surgeons in Dr. H’s practice!

 This Monday I go to see two Abdominal Aorta Aneurism endovascular repairs. Which are legit like playing video games. So cool. And then another carotid endarterectomy, another abdominal aortal bifermoral bypass, and a new one in a femoral-anterial tibeal bypass. Which was super cool too. But the big news this Monday was that I met another one of Dr. H’s partners, Dr. K, and he asked me to write an abstract and present it on his new method to a procedure, of which he is the only surgeon in the country to do! I’m super excited! I then got to see him perform that surgery (Cryovein for DRIL), and then an above the knee amputation. Super cool. Its always interesting to see the differences between surgeons. I’ve now gotten to see Dr. H, Dr. M, and Dr. K perform surgeries, although I haven’t seen Dr. M do one by herself yet, since she’s new. It was a LONG day though, I didn’t get home until like 11 pm. But it was an amazing day. That’s for sure.

Tuesday I went back in to do some research, par norm. And got to see a basilic AV fistula and a below the knee amputation with Dr. K, all before I ran to dinner with my mom at a fancy restaurant. And I forgot to take off my scrub cap. Embarassing.

And then there was work. I had all of two tables, made like 50 bucks, ate some dinner, and got SUPER sick. Of which I am still sick.

Thankfully I got a computer from the doctors, so I can do my research from home, since I am still sick. They said somethings been going around the office, and it takes 3-6 days to clear up. Kill me now! It’s miserable. So hopefully y’all realize how busy I am. On top of all this I’m still waitressing, taking classes, etc. Its tough! Comment with any questions!

Catching Up

Oh holy crap. I suck. I know. But with everything going on you guys will hopefully understand and forgive me.

First off, I have a story about a certain anonymous account on twitter, and the danger of people and the internet. But we’ll get to that later, and I probably will just make a separate post about it.

So I left off last week on Tuesday night. I never got to finish my online orientation, because for some stupid as heck reason, it doesn’t work on macbooks. So I had to email the doctor I will be shadowing’s assistant, and she invited me to go in on Friday to do the orientation on her PC. Marine Man texted me around this time, asking me if I could hang out with him Friday night, maybe just after work, or whatever. But I pretty much shot him down, cuz I had a test Friday, and one Sunday too. He really is so sweet though.

Thursday I went to my workers comp appointment. And the doctor prescribed me Cephalexin (a heavy duty antibiotic), and Tramadol (a pain med). Well. I got SOOO sick from them. Like, throwing up. I ended up finding out it was from the antibiotic, but man it sucked.

Friday I did the online orientation and then went home to take my first Pharmacotherapy test. It went pretty well. But I definitely would have been able to prepare better had I not had the whole thumb thing going on. I went back to work for the first time since the injury on Friday. And it went okay, but boyyyy did it hurt afterwards! But I ran into Marine Man. And my gosh, not to be shallow, but that boy is so sexy! Like tall, dark, pretty brown eyes, and a smile that will make you melt, dimples included. And there was no way I was leaving. So we ended up just sitting at the back of the bar, away from everyone talking. And we talked. About everything. For like 3 hours, before he finally talked me into dancing. We danced. And by danced I mean we two stepped. In a bar, where everyone is grinding, again. So cute. And let me tell you, I almost went home with him. But I thought better of it. I’m really just not the type of girl who sleeps around or has one night stands. And while he is obviously past that point, I still didn’t think it was a good idea. So we went are separate ways, but only after I promised I would see him before he left for his new base on Thursday. Now let me tell you. ALL of my coworkers who met him LOVED him. He really is just so charming and nice. My friend Cassandra thinks he is mister perfect, but that is yet to be determined.

Saturday I tried to study, but I had work, came home, and my hand hurt so bad, that I just took a pain killer, and talked to my Candian friend until I fell asleep. He’s definitely a person who can always make me laugh.

Sunday I was really upset, because I was no where near ready for my physiology test, and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE, was willing to pick up my shift at work. I ended up having to file for an extension on the test. Which really, really pisses me off. But with my thumb, and the issues I had with the meds, and the pain, etc. I really couldn’t prepare the way that I normally do for a test. So I went to work, and I really did make good money, but I somehow misplaced a $100 bill. And I don’t misplace money. I think I must have left it in a check presenter, and someone just took it and didn’t turn it in. So that really, really, just ruined my night. I was so pissed. Like really? Who the eff just takes 100 dollars and doesn’t turn it in. Ugh. Well I got a voicemail from Marine Man while I was working, and gave him a call back after I got off, and he totally cheered me up. He wanted to do something that night, but it was already like 11 or 12, and he had to be up for work at like 6 am. But we made plans for Monday night.

Well Monday I finally got my shift covered, which was great, but I still didn’t have time to study really, because I had to go with my dad to drop my truck off at the Toyota dealership (its getting so annoying), and then take him to the airport. And by the time I got home I took a short nap and had to get ready to head over to Marine Man’s for a cookout double date at the condo where he is staying until he leaves. It was like a 45 minute drive, but totally worth it. I walked into his condo, and he immediately lifted me up, kissed me and said “hello beautiful.” Like, what girl can resist that? Especially when he is cooking? And sexy as hell. Mmm, not me!  So we went downstairs and I met his friend who he works with, and his friends girlfriend, and I actually really liked them. I didn’t feel quite as out of place, because his friend’s girlfriend was only 22. (IDK if I have mentioned that Marine Man is 25). We ended up getting eaten by mosquitos, so we finished grilling the food and brought it back up the apartment. It was DELICIOUS! He cooked steaks, with portabella mushrooms, zucchini and squash. I had never had mushrooms at all, so I was terrified to try it, but I LOVED IT! Sooo yummy. Afterwards we just sat and talked, the boys smoked some cigars (which I’m not a huge fan of, but he asked if I minded, and was super polite about it, so whatever.) The others left at like 1 AM, and me and Marine Man ended up having this really deep heart to heart on the porch. Like, way deeper than I normally go with any guy. But he’s just easy to talk to and stuff. We moved inside eventually, and he started asking me to just stay the night, and drive home in the morning. I was very reluctant for two reasons: one, I live with my mom for the summer, since I’m home, and two, I have issues with intimacy, and I didn’t wanna disappoint him by turning him down. But eventually I relented, but I gave him a brief overview of why I was so reluctant about stuff. And he was perfectly respectful. I was amazed. So I stayed over. And there was a lot of kissing, and of course some extra fun, but I didn’t have sex with him. Which I knew wasn’t a good idea, but I can’t deny wanting to. I mean, that boy is hot. Oh, and I have to say. I have never been a fan for hairy guys, and he’s not like disgustingly hairy, but he has some hair on his chest and abs (like happy trail, but more so?), and he actually made it hot. I was impressed. And he has the perfect body. I mean, sooo hot. And an ass to die for. And thighs. I’m a thigh girl. Swoon. But anyways, we had to get up at like 6:30 for him to be at work on time, and I got to see him in his flight suit, and holy hell. Every girl should see a hot man in a flight suit. Just wow. Wow.

But, I had two small marks on my neck. I won’t call them hickeys. But marks, and of course my mom noticed when I came home. I immediately texted him and told him I would kill him. I was so mad. But I guess it’s whatever now. So I went back to bed, of course, ‘cuz I can’t survive on no sleep. And then went to work. And here I am now. He called me while I was at work, but was asleep when I called him back after work. But I’m still thinking about the situation. Because he wants to like fly me out to his new base to visit him, and all this stuff, and I have no idea how I feel about this. I mean, he’s 25, I know he’s thinking future, marriage, all that. And I mean, I just don’t know how I feel about that. I like him a lot, but he’s in the Marines. He’s never gunna be in one place for long, and with me going to medical school in two years, I’m not gunna be able to move around and stuff. And I guess this is me being analytic, but it just doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. But I guess it’s definitely fun for right now. Hopefully I’ll see him tomorrow night. I don’t know. I also have to find time to study for the test that I got an extension for, do 5 online labs, and an extracredit assignment all before Thursday or so. It’s so annoying. I hate online classes. I’m glad they’re interesting but, really? So much work.

Getting my TB test and all that for my job at the hospital tomorrow morning! I’m stoked! I’ll get another post out shortly! What do y’all think about Marine Man? What should I do?! Ahhhh advice please!!!!