I Suck

Yes. I Suck. I admit it. And to all you guys who read this, I am very very sorry. I don’t know what my issue has been the past month and a half. I guess between school and life and family drama, I just got caught up. So many things have happened. I definitely can’t explain everything in one post. Especially since I have to leave for class in 45 minutes. And have a test tomorrow and Friday. Ugh.

Well. Spring Break boy is no longer. I know I have said that before, but this time it actually is true. He is just at a different point in my life than I am. He’s a fun guy. But fun is only one part of the equation. As for everyone else? Kryptonite Man and his girlfriend broke up. So as horrible as it is to say, I am SO happy about that. She was awful. Doctor boy and I don’t really talk anymore, mainly because he’s halfway across the country.

Now, Physics boy. I don’t know if y’all remember him. (Check out bullet 4 in Busy Busy Busy 10/13/12 ) But I’m totally crushing on him. Well I think I am. I don’t even know. But either way. I’m interested in getting to know him more. As of now we just study together, pretty much. But I can’t read him. Which is weird for me. I’m used to being able to read people pretty well. So we’ll see where that go.

I started a new job. Why the old one ended is a long ass story. But I’m super excited. The money is way better, I don’t ever work as late at night, and only have to cocktail once a week. Everyone seems super nice too, which is definitely a plus.

I’m still running a lot. But I can’t seem to keep any weight on. I keep bouncing between 103 ish and 108 ish. And at 5’7”, I probably should have a little more weight on me than that. High metabolism is great until it tries to kill you! Anyone have any recipes that are super high carb/protein that are easy/quick to make? I am in college remember!

Finally. School. So frustrating. I think I’m doing good. As long as I do acceptable on my Genetics final, I should easily get an A in the class. I have a 95% in there. Psych should be an A with no problem. As for Physics, who the hell knows. The curve should be super high, which means I could get an A potentially…. But you never know. Finally, Neuroscience. I am sitting right at a 90% in there. It is seriously the hardest class ever. And she claims she doesn’t curve at all, but I’ve heard from previous students that they see a big grade boost at the end, so maybe she drops a test score or something? That would be awesome, cuz I want an A so bad, and she says she only gives A’s to 93% and higher. Which is ridiculous for how hard that class is. Who knows. Finals are coming up. Which is terrifying. I never have been good at balancing studying for more than one class at a time. Anyone have any advice?

Last but not least, some crazy good news! I got into directed research working with a Genetics professor who is a Yale grad, and also the author of the best selling Genetics textbook in the country! I’m SOOO pumped. A letter of recommendation from him will really help me everywhere! I’m getting nervous for medschool applications. It’s absolutely crazy to me that I’ll be applying in 6 months. Unreal, I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. But first, I have to take an MCAT class next semester. So the real debate is: Kaplan or Princeton. Online or in person? As for the latter, I’m pretty sure im going to do in person, simply because I don’t do as well in online structures. But I really could use some advice for deciding Kaplan or Princeton. Any advice you guys?

I promise to blog again soon!

Xoxo  - J

To Visit or Not To Visit

Alright. So Spring Break Boy drama. Where do I start? The last time I discussed him, we were talking pretty regularly. He was texting me, I was texting him. It was weird. Cuz it was normal. And then I had a wine night with Arizona, and I got WASTED. And by wasted, I mean beyond okay. I hadn’t eaten dinner, and it was just a mess. But I ended up on skype with SB Boy for like 3 or 4 hours, when he had a game the next day. Which is crazy. And I vaguely remember talking to him about his ex, who he dated for like 4 or 5 years. And that they broke up cuz he just couldn’t give her what she wanted, and all that. No big. But that’s all I really remember discussing with him that night. All I know is being really hung over the next day. And waking up and texting him an apology and him going “So should I just ignore all the nice things you said to me?” Which made me worry that I was a little too honest. But I guess I started really analyzing things after that. Because I started to think that I wasn’t really hearing from him, unless I was initiating the conversation. So I just didn’t text him. He favorited some tweets, stuff like that. But I stuck with it, never texted him, and he waited TEN DAYS to finally text me. And let me tell you, I was not very nice when he did. I was pretty cold and blah blah blah. But pretty much straight after texting me he asked if I was planning on going up for his homecoming like I had been planning before. I said I didn’t know, whatever.

We have been back and forth again since then. And he texts me, I text him, whatever. But last weds he got a little tipsy and he said something really sweet, and I went “Sure, I’m sure you tell that to all the girls.” Which is something I definitely have been wondering about. Cuz he is so sweet to me so often. Is he just that way to all girls? Or whats his deal? And he immediately went “Absolutely not (insert full name here). I think you’re a really cool girl. I wish I could spend more time with you, and hopefully I can over winter break when I come home.” So I didn’t respond for quite some time. Cuz I had no idea how to respond. I mean after talking to Arizona she said a) drunk words are sober thoughts, b) sounds like the distance is worrisome to him, c) he obviously is into me. But who the hell knows. And I still don’t know if I should go up there. So that’s my biggest thing right now. Also Thursday night I was again, very drunk, and told him that Arizona thought he was kinda sketchy, which I retracted in the morning, cuz I barely remember what that was about. And he seemed pretty puzzled about it Friday morning. But I’m back to seeing when he texts me again. We’ll see if it’s before Thursday or Friday.

And another thing – If I go visit him, what are his expectations? Cuz God knows I am not having sex with him if he’s sleeping with God only knows how many other girls. I have no problems having a good time, but I just can’t go there, that’s too gross to me. Is he only interested in me cuz it’s a challenge? But why would he still be doing this after 7 months, when he could easily have any girl he wanted up there? And I’ve turned him down multiple times before. Doesn’t seem like a normal MO for a guy.

Do I go or not? What do y’all think? Or should I wait til break when he comes down here?   I have no idea! Now it’s time to stop procrastinating and go study!

Busy Busy Busy

Where do I even begin? There has been way way way too much stuff going on the last month to even begin to describe. So I’m gunna shorthand everything. And then if you wanna know more, comment, and I’ll blog specifically about that! So here we go!

1.     My mom and little brother, E, moved up! So I get to see me fam on a regular basis now! Which is pretty much the best thing ever.

2.     I did okay on my first physics exam. And okay on my first NSCI exam. Definitely need to step it up though.

3.     Lots and LOTS of work drama. I’m very frustrated.

4.     I have a freaking ADORABLE guy in my new physics group. We’ll call him physics boy. He also lives in my building, which is awesome.

5.     Holy drama with SB boy. We were hard core talking for a while. Including a 3 and a half hour skype session while I was drunk and he was sober. But then I decided I really wanted him to put forth the effort. And I didn’t hear from him for 10 days. Like, sorry what? But now we’re back to talking again. But part of me thinks that’s cuz he wants me to come visit him next weekend. And I can’t decide if that’s a good idea or not.  I really can’t sleep with him if he’s sleeping with other people. I’m not that type of girl and I think it’s gross. But I called him out on the fact that I feel like he probably talks to a lot of girls like he talks to me, cuz hes so complimentary and sweet all the time. And his response was “No I don’t J, I think you’re a really cool girl and I really wish I could spend more time with you. Maybe over Winter break.” And he was drunk. So I really don’t know.

6.     I was so sick for like 2 weeks. And lost so much weight. I kinda look gross now.

7.     I am training for a 5K. Which normally wouldn’t be too big of a deal, except that my doctors told me my knees could never withstand running. But I’ve missed it so much, and am loving it.

8.     My best friend, Arizona, introduced me to one of her friends, we’ll call him the mutual friend. He. Is. Gorgeous. And super sweet. And I’ve only hung out with him really once, in our group. But he’s adorable. And there’s definitely flock member potential.

9.     My good friend at work is known by a lot of people as my twin. We look alike, are both going to med school, and both ride horses. And have the same personality, etc. Well her cousin is a freshman (but 20) at my school, on the hockey team. And last spring she was talking about trying to hook me up with him. Well I met his parents, her aunt and uncle, tonight. And they talked to me for five minutes and immediately went “You need to meet our son.” So apparently that actually has to happen now. But I don’t think anything could come of it, cuz he’s a hockey player. And God knows they’re so gross.

So that’s the shortened version of everything I can think of right now. I really don’t know if I shoul

Being A Typical Girl

Jeeze, I mean, I woke up the morning after my last blog post, reread it and reread my conversation with SB boy and felt like a moron. I think I am LOOKING for reasons to push him away, or cast him aside. So I’m gunna restate what that conversation the other night was really like. He was sober. The entire time. He actually told me when he was going to start drinking, and it was way after all of the comments about me going to visit him, and him coming to visit me, and wanting to spend time with me and this that and the other. So I kinda felt like an idiot. I mean that doesn’t end the whole, me not knowing what I want, thing, and the whole, me not wanting to sleep with him if he’s sleeping with other people, thing. And also, other than the 15-20 minutes after his game on Friday, we really haven’t spent much time together sober. Which I brought up to him the other night. But that leads me to another story.

Last May when he came down to visit me, we took a goofy picture while we were drunkenly waiting for his friend, that had me making an outrageous “oh my gosh look who I found!” face and him kissing my cheek. Super cute. But one of his teammates posted on it saying “I think maybe *insert another spring break member/sb boys roommate here* ‘s song is now your song.” To which he replied “haha no way man” and I was curious, but didn’t really think much about it. Well last night I got a comment on a picture we took Friday night, and it was from the same teammate saying “Hey *SB boy* I am listening to Spring Break Up right now!” and SB Boy liked it. So I of course was like, wait wtf?! Cuz, if you know the lyrics to that song, it is kinda weird. And totally doesn’t describe our situation at all. But I ignored it until we were randomly on at the same time, and then I just was like “hahaha spring break up huh?!” and he laughed and immediately explained that they had given that song to their roommate because he had been obsessed with my friend, Callie… like creepily obsessed, and she was just interested in a spring break fling. So he explained that and then said that he guessed his teammate was trying to peg that on him.

So then my question is… what? How do his teammates know that much about us? Blah. But while we were talking I joked about us being drunk asses whenever we were around each other, and he promptly said that we should change that very soon and go to dinner as ‘sober members of society’. So what do y’all think, do I give him a chance? Or just toss him aside?

And on the other hand there is the coworker who is into me. And very cute. But I don’t know how I feel about the whole going on a date with a coworker thing. Anyone have any experience about that? What do y’all think??

I Don't Know What I Want

It takes a lot for me to stress out about a boy. And I do mean a lot. But I’m there. It may be because I haven’t had my depo shot and I’m all weirdly pms-y and stuff, but I sure am not a happy camper right now. It has to do with Spring Break Boy and me being an anti-commitment, anti-attached kind of person. I guess I need to start at the beginning.

I met Spring Break boy on spring break (go figure), when me and my friends Izzie, Callie and Lexie, went to Florida. I ran into SB boy’s friend/teammate in a store while I was waiting for my friends. He was wearing a college tshirt that hinted that he was from close to our school. And he was. Like 2 and a half hours north. SB boy came down the stairs a few minutes later with a few of his other friends. There were 5 total. I totally was all about SB boy from the moment I saw him. I mean, he’s just gorgeous and totally my type, 6’3” of muscle, and big brown eyes. Just gorgeous. Once Lexie, Izzie, and Callie got to the store we stood around chatting with them, and SB boy actually exchanged numbers with Izzie. Which I was completely jealous of, and Callie exchanged with one of SB boys friends.

So whatever happened, and we ended up meeting up with them the next night, and going to their condo they were renting for the week. We just drank and played drinking games and all that. Me and SB boy were very flirty, and it became obvious he was interested in me, and one of his friends was interested in Izzie. As we were playing, the “never have I ever” portion of the game came up, and in that I learned that he had had a threesome. Which was something I was totally not expecting. To me, that’s not attractive. But regardless, we got drunk and made out in the hot tub. And in the shower. But we never did anything but make out. And this happened pretty much every night of the week. And one night we went to a bar, and we were brats and made each other jealous all night, typical immature BS. But once we got over it we were back to the fun normal stuff. Well spring break ended, and that was that. We still talked a good bit though. Flirty, all the time, etc.

Well after finals, he came down to visit. So that night we went out to the bars, and neither of us drank much, but we had a good time. He got jealous/protective when someone else hit on me, and all that. We pretty much acted like a couple. Which is really, really weird for me. He got to meet Arizona, and a few of my coworkers, and they all LOVED him. He ended up spending the night, and we pretty much did everything BUT have sex. I’m just not the type of person who can do the one night stand type deal. And that’s what it felt like. But I really, really, really wanted to. If you know what I mean.

I left for home the next day, and we talked on and off all summer, always flirty and stuff. And he would tweet random things at me that let me know he was tweeting at me, like during the Olympics. Well, he had a game in town this past Friday night, and I went to it, because he asked me too. And dear God, that boy in football pants? Holy bajeesus. But after the game, I went out on the field. His family was there, so I went and talked to another mutual friend for a while, before he came over. We hugged and the pictures are freaking adorable. The kid makes me smile like a mad woman. But then he had to leave to go back to school, and we texted all night.

He talked about me coming up, and then coming down to visit me once football is over and all that. But eventually he was saying it while drunk, and I didn’t know if it was just drunk words, or if its more of the drunk mind=sober thoughts thing. Who knows. But I do know I got way too drunk, ended up seeing the guy I met at the bookstore last week, and hanging out with him all night. He didn’t leave my apartment til like 5 am. But SB boy was texting me while he was here, and one text I got was “I love me some insert my full name here” at like 4 am. Like, I know he was wasted. But like, ugh, no.

So pretty much I don’t know how to take it all. I don’t want a relationship with him, I don’t like the commitment and stuff. But I also don’t want to be sleeping with him, and him be sleeping with other people. Make sense? So pretty much I want the best of both worlds, without sacrificing my views. What do y’all think I should do? So conflicted. I don’t even know what I really want. Or what I should do. Should I just ignore him until he comes down here? Or should I go visit? Help!

Semester From Hell

Semester from hell is the understatement. I mean, two weeks in and I already am sick. And by sick I mean like, threw up multiple times this morning. And I don’t throw up. I can literally count on two hands how many times I’ve thrown up when I was sick. Between not sleeping enough and not eating enough, and running myself ragged with homework, my team, and other things, what could I really expect though? At least it gives me some time to sleep and rest and catch up on stuff though.

So this Semester I’m taking a 4000 level genetics class, a 3000 level cellular based neuroscience class, an intro to physics class, and an intro to psychology class. Obviously psych is a joke, but I have to read the book, which is a lot of boring reading, and listen to online lectures, which are stupid and time consuming. I know there are a LOT of psych majors out there, but no offense, it ain’t my thing, and I really just think it’s kind of stupid. Now abnormal psych? That’s my shit. But this stupid other stuff? No thanks. Now physics may be an intro class, but seriously? That class scares the bajeemies out of me. I hate it. Ahhhh! But my professor is really good, and oddly enough pretty good looking too. Can’t hate that, right? We’ve gone through chapter 1 and 2, and they were easy enough I guess, I just have this problem with over thinking stuff if I think it’s too easy… whoops. So any physics majors/engineering majors out there, hollaaaa! I was actually in the TA tutoring room just making sure I did my homework right, and one of the TA’s (not my TA) is really cute.. may have to stop by there more often ;) Now as for my neuroscience class, I took it because I thought it would be an easy one. Well I got two of them mixed up, and of course I’m taking the hardest neuroscience class offered. Whoops. It’s definitely tough. But I’m working my butt off. I got a 100% on the first quiz. Granted, the first quiz was online and open book. But whatever. I have my first “assignment” today, on membrane and action potentials, etc etc. See how that goes. And last but not least is Genetics. I got into the class with the best professor. He’s really awesome, I had him for one of my intro to bio classes, and he’s awesome. He wrote the book we use. It doesn’t seem like too hard of a class yet. But who knows. We have a short quiz every Monday, and a longer/harder quiz every Wednesday. And those are only two classes of the week. So we’re kind of forced to stay caught up. Which is good. But we have no exams until the final in December. Which is really scary!

So you can see how I’ve been super busy. Add in tryouts for my team (which I made of course), and trying to stay working out and stuff, and my social life goes down the drain. I did manage to go out last Saturday. Saw the Cheater, it was kind of funny, he was with his fuck buddy and looked miserable. Sucks to suck, dude.

As for new cute guys, I met a guy in the elevator in my building this past Wednesday, and was like, oh holy crap. He’s an athlete (which sucks, but whatever), was super tall, and totally my type. He is also my friends roommate. But said friend (also an athlete), has started acting like he’s “too good” for his friends from freshman/sophomore year lately. So we’ll see what happens when he gets his head on straight. Maybe he has a girlfriend or something. But they live the floor below me, so I totally am constantly plotting. He also knows my teammate, so I’ve been getting info from her. Yes, I’m a major creep, sue me. But I’m gunna try and take a nap now. My stomach is killing me. Yuck.

Hockey Boys and Bastard Boy

Well, lets just say that since I got off the plane on Thursday, it has been quite eventful. Lexie was kind enough to pick me up from the airport, and we immediately went to get some food at the bar I work at, Reilly’s, and then frozen yogurt. After that we went to go meet my brother’s host family, which is about 15 minutes from my campus, which is super nice, ‘cuz I’ll be able to see him a decent amount. Afterwards we picked up Izzie, and then we started drinking – of course. We had run into a few of the guys who played hockey at my school, and they had invited us to  their sophomore’s house that night for a shindig. 

So we drank sweet tea vodka and lemonade until 11:15, and then made the block trek over to the guys house. Now Izzie and Lexie were definitely a little bit more drunk than I was. But I was drunk enough that my southern accent came out. And God knows how annoying that is. I met a cute boy pretty quickly. We flirted, and eventually Izzie and Lex came over to chat. The four of us chatted quite a bit until I noticed Lex tense up with her eyes fixed over my shoulder. And when I turned around it was, of course, The Cheater. Well his teammate came over and gave me a hug and stood and talked to me. But I ignored the cheater. He had this look on his face that was half miserable, half pleading puppy dog eyes. But I only glanced once or twice to make sure I could venture away from my friends.

He eventually left. I saw another one of his teammates who again was all “ahh! I love you! We miss you!” etc. etc. It sucked to be thrown back into seeing him and everything that reminds me of him. But it’s part of life I guess. I think around school there will always be things that remind me of him. People especially. I mean we have so many mutual friends that it’s hard to avoid him.

But what isn’t hard is that I want nothing to do with him. It’s plainly obvious. Yet last night he felt the need to text me. “Look I know I hurt you really badly. I just want to know if there is anything I can do to help.” Like what in the fuck! And it was at like 1:30 am, so you know it was a sad attempt to just talk to me. He’s made it blatantly obvious over the last few years that he doesn’t give two shits about me. It just makes me mad. I probably should have made some smart ass remark in response, but I didn’t. I deleted his message, and since I don’t have his number, that means no response. But my idea is that if I see him I’ll give him that smart-ass answer. What do y’all think I should say? Cuz I know he’ll try to come up and talk to me next time. He’s done it multiple times before – so give me some ideas!

Now back to Thursday night. After the party died down we stayed with the cute hockey boy playing beer pong until like 2 am. He eventually started drinking a decent amount and then got really handsy and clingy. I mean, he was never overly so, but definitely didn’t act like he HAD A GIRLFRIEND!!! Which, I now know he did! Absolutely amazes me that guys can act that way. So after I found this out, another guy came over and started hitting on us. He claimed to be a pro hockey player (AHL), and tried to keep using it to his advantage. Which didn’t work. But I was kind of relieved when him and his friend walked with us to a great little pizza joint a few blocks away. I never like walking around campus with just girls. But after we left there he got really, really touchy and like, obnoxious. And then tried to follow us into Lex’s house! It was absolutely ridiculous! Like, no one invited you in! And then he turned into a royal ass hole when we were like “um, goodbye!” Stupid freaking boys. It’s all their fault…boys and their stupid boy penises!!!